(In)fertility is an Addction

Fertility treatments and dealing with infertility is very similar to having an addiction.  So, I’ll introduce myself.  Hi, my name is Michelle and I’m an addict.  (All together now!  “Hi Michelle!”)

This journey is hard.  It has ups and downs.  You have high hopes and then you are let down.  There is a point at which it becomes all consuming.  It’s all you can think about.  You’ll do anything to get your fix.  That fix is a baby. 

I can’t believe I haven’t had a post since 2009!  Well, a lot has happened in our lives since then.  Good things and not so good things….  I am still a mommy of 1 very special IVF baby.  I am still on my journey  to become a mommy of 2.  Or 3?  Perhaps I’ll have twins some day…   SEE!!  There are the hopes!  You can NEVER let them go and maybe you shouldn’t….

So, what have I been up to for the last 2.5 years?  I will keep it short and sweet as not to bore the fertiles that may be reading.

May of 2010 – Yet another surgery to remove the endometriosis.  Fun fun!  Well, the Percocet was fun anyway…

October 2010 – IVF cycle #1 (for #2).  On maximum ovarian stimulation, I made a whopping 2 eggs!!!  They were able to fertilize 1 with ICSI.  Embryo quality was poor.  No pregnancy.

January 2011 – the decision to try and treat this whole thing naturally.  Green smoothies, a 21 day cleanse and our household has gone mostly organic. Definitely organic meat, dairy and produce.   We have been falling off the wagon lately though…  Eating out WAY too much!

March 2011 – ALL BLOODWORK IS NORMAL!!!!!!!!!  Hoping over the next couple of months we will be able to conceive on our own!

May 2011 – began egg study with Dr. Roseff, my RE.  Used a substance called Inofolic Plus.  Apparently this is a product from Italy shown to increase egg quality as measured by anti mullerian hormone.  It did show a slight rise in my extremely low results.  It was basically a mix of melatonin and B-complex vitamins.

August 2011 – Attempt at cycle #2 (for #2).  Cancelled due to non stimulation.  Again, maximum dosage of fertility meds were used.  For those that are “fertilly challenged” – we used the microdose Lupron flair protocol.  5 units of Lupron for a few days and then 450 of follistim and 300 of menopur.  Yes.  Hardcore.

October 2011 – We were not even able to attempt stimulation.  Large cyst on left ovary and them endometrioma on the right.  Sad and frustrated.

November/December 2011 – Last and final attempt at stimulation for #2.  Dr. Roseff decided to try a new route.  5 days of Femara and the low doses of Follistim (150).  Day 10 of stim – estrogen was only 26!  No eggos for me.  Kind of ironic…  At the beginning of the year, I needed to get my estrogen down to control my endometriosis and other factors.  Then I couldn’t get it up!!!!! (really, there is no pun intended there! )

So, where does that leave us now?  On hiatus.  We’ve done research into other avenues of completing our family.  But for now, we are resting.  I am still addicted though!  I am going to focus a little more on my business I started to fund our treatments.  Premier Designs Jewelry!  Check out a catalog here!

I’ll leave it at that for now…  I have some ideas for this blog…  Like many things in my life, I need to quit “thinking” about it and just DO it!  I had a professor in college that used to say, “don’t should on yourself today”.  So, get off the computer and quit shoulding on yourself!!!  But please check back for a new post soon!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Another one bites the dust!

Well, another cycle has come and gone...  And I'm not sure that the supplements helped much!  My period was even shorter than before!  A whopping 2 whole days.  But I'm going to give these supplements another 2 months and then take it from there...

I am seriously considering deleting my facebook account!  EVERYONE is pregnant!!!  So many old friends/acquaintances from high school and college.  Today I'm just sick of hearing about them.  Usually it doesn't bother me...  But there are about 3-4 days a month that I just cannot stand to see or hear of a newly pregnant person!

We should be moving in march sometime.  After that, we'll hit the fertility thing hard core!  Balls to the walls baby making!

Happy New Year!  Let's hope 2010 is MY year :-)

Rants, Falling off the wagon and New Stuff

So, it's been a while since I posted about my progress.  Well I sort of fell off the wagon as it were...  We had family come into town and I couldn't find the time to make the gobelly guck.  And then on Sunday morning after they left I was just about to make some when I got a terrible phone call.  One of my really close friends lost her baby at 37 weeks.  After that call, nothing seemed important enough to do that day.  I basically stayed in bed for most of the day and cried for her.

So, it seems as though everyone around me is pregnant!  Friends from high school that I've reconnected with through facebook and many of the mommies in my playgroup.  This is getting a little more difficult to deal with.  Especially when it's right in your face!  Don't get me wrong...  I am sincerely happy for them.  But I am getting more and more sad for me.  And for my son.  Who may never know the feeling of being a big brother.

So, here's my plan!  I've started on the herbal supplements.  Bromelain and Vitex.  I take 1 of each in the morning and in the evening on an empty stomach.  I have noticed a very slight change in my cycle already.  It's taking me a little longer to ovulate!  Which is great!  I am also taking a multi vitamin.  In the mean time, my husband and I have been discussing a couple of options.  Here's what we have decided.  He is going to quit his job.  We'll go on welfare and I'll start smoking crack.  And we'll only have sex in the back seat of a car.  That should get me knocked up in no time!  Hell is seems to work for other people!

Days 2 and 3

Ok, so days 2 and 3 were not so good on what I will rename as the "Green Machine".  They were completely CRAZY days!  Day 2 I only managed to drink 8 oz. and yesterday i didn't make the smoothie at all...  But today I am back on the bandwagon!

What I've noticed in just the couple of days of drinking the stuff...  I did have a little more energy and motivation to get things done.  Also, my urine smelled REALLY bad in the 2 days of drinking it!  Yesterday it was back to normal.  I am no doctor or health professional but I am attributing this to many of the toxins being cleansed for my body.

Now please keep in mind that I am just adding this to my day instead of changing anything.  So, I still have my "old" diet with this on top.  But I've also noticed just making that one little change has made me re-think decisions throughout the day. 

Have a great day!

I did it!

Woo hoo!  I smashed my goal!  I drank all 32 ounces yesterday!  And I had so much more energy and get up n' go.  I don't  know if it was the drink or the motivation of having my in-laws here this weekend :-)

I'm half way through my first glass this morning.  It really is a taste that you just become used to.  It's a salad in a cup!

My goal today is 16 ounces.  And we're gearing up for "O" week (Ovulation) here... 

The "Concoction"

Yesterday was a great day!  We went to Whole Foods to get all of the "supplies" for my new morning routine.  It's one of my friend calls it the "cancer-fighting concoction".  Here it is:

5 cups water
1/2 avocado
1/2 apple

3 handfuls of baby greens or spinach
1 cup broccoli
1 cup lentil or mung bean sprouts (or both)
1 handful of sunflower sprouts
1 handful of buckwheat lettuce sprouts
1 tbsp dulse or kelp
dab of stevia

This is supposed to make 64 oz. and you are supposed to drink it all by noon!  I only made half this morning.  Let's be honest, it's a shock to my tastebuds!  It's something to get used to.  Not great but not good.  I may add in a mango for taste...

I am willing to commit to drinking at least 8oz. today.  And then we can work up from there.  

 

Small steps!

 

Welcome to the Crazy!

Hello! Welcome to my fertility blog! For those of you that don't know me, my name is Michelle. I am 29 year old and mother to a very inquisitive 16 month old. Caysen was conceived through IVF (in-vitro fertilization) after 4 years of struggling with infertility. We are now finding ourselves struggling again to conceive #2. And let me tell you, it's just as stressful and painful (maybe more) with the 2nd. I know what some of you are thinking (because I used to think the same way), "but you already have one, why can't you be happy with that?" My answer to that, "because motherhood is like heroine. It's addictive."

Why can't we conceive? My husband is fine. In fact, he has super sperm! He could probably sneeze on a fertile woman and she would be pregnant... It's me. I'm the "broken one". At least that's how I feel most of the time. Previously I had stage 4 endometriosis and very large ovarian cysts. All that was removed through surgery and after 2 1/2 IVF cycles we conceived our son about a year later! Oh, there is the small issue with "ovarian reserve". Basically, I may have the ovaries of a 40 year old woman! While a normally healthy woman would make about 20 eggs during the process, I made 5. Only 2 were "healthy" and only 1 fertilized normally. That's our son! So ladies, it only takes one.

I've been told by the doctor and through some of the numerous hours of researching, that being pregnant may be the best cure for not being able to get pregnant! Essentially, the hormones from pregnancy supress the hormones that fuel the endo and the cysts. I am pretty sure the endo is gone. Before, my "time of the month" was HORRIBLE! Terribly painful and emotionally draining. Back pain, terrible cramps and stomach pain. Thankfully I no longer suffer from those symptoms! BUT STILL NO PREGNANCY AFTER ALMOST 10 MONTHS OF TTC (Trying To Conceive).

My OBGYN says, "do IVF again!" I said, "are you going to pay for it?" The first time cost around $35,000 with everything plus meds. It's just not an option for us right now. But with my 40 year old ovaries, my clock is ticking!!! So, I have decided to try something different...

I recently reconnected with a highschool/college friend through facebook. I was saddened when I heard that at such a young age, she had lymphoma. Instead of injecting her body with poisons to kill the cancer, she took a huge leap and treated it holistically. She adopted a whole food diet and an exercise routine. Long story short - SHE CURED HER CANCER! Oh yeah, and she got knocked up!

So, I'm going to adopt some of her "concoctions", if I can stomach them and add some supplements to my diet. One of them being bromelain. I now suffer from a very scant period. So hopefully I can "beef up" my uterine lining! I also hope to add to this, acupuncture and some trips to the Chiropractor for some adjusting :-)

I realized I am expecting a lot out of my body, and I'm not giving to it. I don't have a good diet and nearly no exercise. This was not always the case though. I've just "let myself go". But it's time for me to take myself back!